The freedom in Breaking Up
There are times when your life will inevitably change. Sometimes for the better. Sometimes for the worst. We will grow older (despite all the anti-aging products and gadgets to keep us looking young), we will gain and lose friendships and jobs, and we will fall in and out of love. If we will just keep living, we will experience all the emotions life has to offer. And if you are strong and resilient enough, you will go through (keyword is through) all of life’s bouts and come out on the other side stronger than you were at the beginning. Or at least, that is the hope.
Recently, I ended a 6 year relationship. It was something I never thought I had the huevos to do. I had come to terms that this was my life. And by no means was is a horrible life. I was loved beyond measure. Told over and over again how beautiful I was and how amaze balls I was regularly. Family was in love with us. Massages, dinner dates, and frequent gifts were norms in my life.
I decided I no longer wanted that life.
I ended it because I wanted more. I know,I sound greedy..ungrateful…crazy even. How could I not stay in something so great, so coveted, so comfortable? When I took stock of my life and my relationships, it was no longer serving it’s purpose. This by no means minimizes our relationship or our love, but I had to come to terms that our season had ended. I was not in love. I no longer had butterflies. I felt emotions of obligation and duty. I would have and will still do anything for him. He is so amazing. He just isn’t MY amazing. I am still coming to grips with that fact. And it is still shocking.
My life is changing. My priorities are evolving. I am actively pursuing my dreams. I want to live a fulfilled life in all aspects. I no longer see the point in settling for something that does not fulfill me. So I pruned away something I felt wasn’t bearing the best fruit. I am trying very hard to progress in all areas of my life: career, creatively, health, and especially relationships- both platonic and romantic. A friend of mine has adopted this statement made by Richard Koch as her personal life statement, and I have adopted it also. It is so fitting for how I feel about my life right now. He says, “Everything you want should be yours: the type of relationships you need; the social, mental, and aesthetic stimulation that will make you happy and fulfilled; the money you require for the lifestyle that is appropriate to you; and any requirement that you may (or may not) have for achievement or service to others. If you don’t aim for it all, you’ll never get it all. To aim for it requires that you know what you want.” Yes Richard. Just yes.
This break up has also pushed me to take care of myself (you’re thinking, “Take care of yourself? What? Were you completely dependent or something?” No, no I wasn’t. Keep reading, I’ll explain). I know this is going to sound very sad, but having to make sure I have water in the house is big for me. I have to carry the water in the house now. I have to take out the trash more often now. I have troubleshoot all the electronic issues now. I have to make sure I eat without being reminded. I have to do more self-soothing during rough days; no more loving arms to cry into and protect me from the big, bad world. Tasks that a significant other just kind of does because they have become an integral part of your life, I now have to perform. It’s a lesson of being self-sufficient after 6 years of combining lives.
I have a great peace about my decision, which makes me eerily uncomfortable. How can I be at peace with this situation? I have been told by a few people that this peace is proof that I have made the right decision. I certainly pray so. I will continue to move on with life with the expectation that great things are coming down the pipeline. I believe I will find a love that makes my tummy do back flips and cause me to fall hopelessly in love; not just with my heart, but with my whole person. Until then, I will continue to pursue the MORE I want to see manifested in my life. More travel, more catching up with friends, more brand building, and more life building.
Have you ever had to make an extremely difficult decision that you knew would change your life? What did you do? How did you cope? Share your story in the comments,